proximity

i wonder what it’s like to be so in love with someone, you can’t bear to be away from them for a second.
and you don’t express the full extent of how this feels, but you just find yourself often telling them you miss them, even if you were just together.

i was watching a movie that took place in new york city, and the girl gets into a cab in the middle of a bustling times square and drives away from the guy. (in this particular situation, they were in the middle of an argument).
but she just hails down some random cab, hops in, and drives away from him.

that got me to thinking… i wonder what it’s like (and i’m sure it happens for people) to be so in love with someone that simply watching them get into a cab to drive away from you makes you sad. because they’re putting all this space and chaos and people and buildings… and miles between the two of you. and when you’re not with them, you can’t share that moment of your life with them, and you don’t know what they’re up to and if they’re happy or safe.
and even if they give you a peck on the cheek, hop into the cab, and say, “i’ll see you later tonight,” i bet there’s people who are so in love they feel sad because the one they love is putting all this space between them, and you really never know if this little inch of time that’s so taken for granted is the last time they’ll ever give you a peck on the cheek and hop into a cab, or glance back at you, or speak those casual words to you.

i guess that’s what it’s like during the initial stages of love. you want to spend every moment of your time with this person because you can’t get enough of them, and being apart from them feels wrong. being apart from them feels like you’re not really living your life to it’s fullest… and you never take for granted a single moment together because each moment means so much.

i’ve never felt like this. i can’t even imagine what that might feel like. but i know it exists, because when i watch the simplest scene in a movie of a girl driving away from a boy, it makes me sad.
and when i see a friend in her home without her boyfriend around, her boyfriend who is possibly out running errands or watching tv in his apartment, it makes me wonder what that thing is that kills the urgent desire for them to be together whenever they possibly can.

but i understand that that’s life. that if they spent every waking moment together they would end up hating each other or killing each other or worse. i also understand that that’s inevitably how every relationship winds up. and it sucks to think that such passion and urgent life-or-death desire to be in each other’s company dies down to this unromantic, real-life monotony and getting together once in a while and just living out the days. 

if it weren’t for technology you can bet your ass people wouldn’t take physical proximity to their loved ones so much for granted. what if humans never invented cell phones or the internet or GPS navigation or road signs, or hell, ROADS…? the bare bones reality of the situation is that whenever you let your loved one leave your side and send them off into the wild world with a kiss, there is madness and miles and cars and strange people and earth between the two of you, and we are linked ONLY by little meaningless radio waves in the air..
and i say meaningless because.. what is REAL is touch, and sight, and the smell of your lover’s skin and hair so close to you. the feeling of their warmth as they sit next to you, and you hold them and know that they’re close, and safe. and that beyond a shadow of a doubt all that matters is that you’re together.

together. being in love means knowing that the only thing that’s truly real in your life is taking comfort in the closeness of the one you love.

bah.
what the fuck do i know? it’s not like i’ve ever felt that. hell, or even come close…
one day. it would be like knowing the meaning of LIFE to feel that one day. to know that in all of life.. all we ever really want and need is 
to just be closer